Stick to the first cut.
The first cut you put on NG nailed it.
For this you seemed to only have added text animations, that are frankly, unnecessary. While some, like "has built establishments" are cool, others like "OnlyCorp"'s underline and the simple text fade on "Supremely Powerful Beings" seem uninspired.
Pardon me for being blunt, but they're pointless. They don't add anything. They just are distracting.
Trim the fat and go with the other cut. You got it right the first time.
Also best of luck with [AS].